In a recent teleseminar, I shared lots of info about working with an editor plus 10 ways to improve your writing with host Dr. Sandra Haymon on blogtalkradio.com. What a fun experience! You can hear these teleclass free by going to  www.BlogTalkRadio.com/sandra-haymon

You’ll see Top 10 Techniques title in the box on the right. Just press play.

I keep focusing on what I consider the Top 10 ways to improve your writing, but I suspect you have a few “gems” to add to my list. Mostly, I’d love to hear from you. You can:

* enjoy listening to this interview, then

* contribute your additions to my Top 10 in Comments below, and/or

* request my handouts (Top 10 and Whack Wordiness) by sending me an email with “handouts” in the subject line. editor@barbaramcnichol.com

I realize I’m among many writers/editors online encouraging you to write correctly and persuasively, all your articles, posts, books . . . whatever you’re writing. Let’s push away as many gremlins as possible and write right!

Onward!

by Jerry Brown, APR  

(used with permission)

Hook me at the beginning if you want me to notice your story. Then keep it interesting if you want me to stick around until you’re done telling it.

Good storytellers know it’s important to grab their audience’s attention right from the start. That’s why the lead of a news story is so important.  And it’s why you need a strong, attention-getting lead for your news releases and pitch letters.

There are many kinds of good leads. Here are a few of my favorites:

•  Ask a question. Asking a question intriguing enough that the rest of us will want to know the answer is a good way to get reporters to read your news release to learn your answer.  Not everyone agrees with me on this one.  Some purists believe beginning a story with a question is a no-no.  Why would you ignore such a powerful way to bring me into your story?
  Example: Why are local bird watchers putting down their binoculars and picking up protest signs?

• Start with an anecdote. News is about people and things that affect people. Anecdotes humanize your story. A good anecdote is a great lead for a story about an individual or a group of people.
  Example: Joan Doe has spent the last 43 years helping others. On Tuesday, several dozen of them will be on hand for her final day at work to say thank you and tell her how she changed their lives forever.

• Say something unexpected. We’re hardwired to notice the unexpected — a strange noise that may indicate a problem with your car or a slight movement by a stranger on a dark street.  It’s a survival technique.  Because we’re hardwired to pay attention to the unexpected, a lead that surprises your audience is a great way to get their attention.
  Example:  Giving away money isn’t always easy.

• Use a first-person story.  A self-directed version of the anecdotal lead.  Don’t overdo this one. But some feature stories lend themselves to first-person leads.  Just make sure there’s a reason for the rest of us to care.
  Example: The bear stared at me. I stared back. What I did next probably saved my life. And it could save yours.

• Just the facts. Once almost universally used for spot news stories and news releases, and still the most common type of lead for both.  Make sure your facts are interesting or your lead will be boring — and your news release will probably end up in the trash.
  Example: XYZ Company opened a new plant today in Localville, bringing 500 jobs and a $25 million annual payroll to the city.

That’s my two cents’ worth.  What’s yours?

From Jerry’s insightful ezine, Media Minute, every Monday. (Sign up at www.pr-impact.com) Leave your comments and favorite examples here.

By Patrice Rhoades-Baum (used with permission)

A colleague asked for feedback on an article she wrote for a health organization. It was well written, the headline hummed the main theme, and, like a chorus, her theme resonated throughout. Applause!

But a hiccup prevented this article from “singing.” In fact, it had caught a “we-zing” cold because it focused on the organization, not the reader. In the first six paragraphs, the words we and ours appeared 18 times, while you and yours appeared only nine times.

I encouraged her to switch the focus from we-zing to singing. For example:

• We-zing: As a Level II trauma center, we provide specialized care, and we can handle any emergency.
• Singing: In an emergency, you can rely on the specialized care of our Level II trauma center.

Is your writing we-zing? Take this simple test to find out:

• Print an article, workbook, or other piece that you wrote for your target audience. A web page about your company is a great sample for this test.
• Circle the words we and ours in red, count them, and write down the number.
• Using another color, circle the words you and yours, count them, and write down the number.
• How’d you do? Ideally, you’ll have twice as many yous and yours as the words we and ours.
• Or is your message “we-zing”? If so, rework sentences to shift the focus to your reader.

When you focus on your audience, your message is warm, inviting, and friendly. Plus, readers see the value without puzzling out “how does this relate to me?” Best of all, your writing sings the value persuasively. 

A highly experienced marketing consultant and copywriter, Patrice Rhoades-Baum teams with small business owners and entrepreneurs to make their expertise shine with a crystal-clear brand and hardworking website. If you’re a business owner struggling to clarify your brand, Patrice will team with you to polish your brand, write copy for your website, and facilitate the creation of a new, strategic website – your most powerful marketing and sales tool. Learn more at www.BrandingAndWebsites.com

By Patrice Rhoades-Baum (used by permission)

During the week of our family reunion, my brothers tuned in the animated TV show South Park. I hate to admit it, but this disreputable show makes me laugh.

One episode, “Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow,” spoofs the movie of a similar name. Isn’t that title amazingly convoluted? The creators could have simply called this episode “Today,” but that wouldn’t have been as clever.

Funny how even a cartoon can teach us about clarity.

For truly persuasive writing, aim to express yourself as clearly as possible. Here are my top two tips:

1. Use you instead of one.
Poor: One should carefully consider the quality of TV shows one watches, especially if children are watching, too.
Better: Carefully consider the quality of TV shows you watch, especially if children are watching, too.  

2. Use active, colorful verbs that precisely communicate your idea.
Poor: Many innovative comedies are a clever melding of old scripts with pop culture. (Here, the verb is are. A better verb, meld, is buried in the phrase “a melding of.”)
Better: Many innovative comedies cleverly meld old scripts with pop culture.

More tips to achieve clarity:

• Break one long sentence into two.
• Use the active voice (“Cartman killed Kenny”) instead of passive (“Kenny was killed”).
• Eliminate the preposition of whenever possible. For example, change “a result of the watching of crude shows by children . . . ” to “as a result, when children watch crude shows . . . .”

If you ever watch South Park, tune in for ideas to improve your writing. You may find some redeeming value in this coarse show after all!

A highly experienced marketing consultant and copywriter, Patrice Rhoades-Baum teams with small business owners and entrepreneurs to make their expertise shine with a crystal-clear brand and hardworking website. If you’re a business owner struggling to clarify your brand, Patrice will team with you to polish your brand, write copy for your website, and facilitate the creation of a new, strategic website – your most powerful marketing and sales tool. Learn more at www.BrandingAndWebsites.com

by Barbara McNichol

“Writings are useless unless they are read, and they cannot be read unless they are readable.” – Theodore Roosevelt

After encouraging writers to quit rambling when crafting their paragraphs and chapters, I want to make sure you don’t stall out.

What techniques can keep your motor running smoothly? Take these four tips to heart.

1. One Thought, One Sentence

2. Steer on the Sunny Side

3. Build Bridges to Guide Your Reader

4. Place Strongest Words at End

1. One Thought, One Sentence

Unless you’re a novelist whose style calls for long, descriptive sentences, in the nonfiction world, it’s best to express one thought in one sentence and end it. Spend another sentence on the next thought, and so on. Keep your prose moving forward with short, succinct sentences.

2. Steer on the Sunny Side

It’s hard for readers to track what’s being written when it’s stated in a negative way. And most of the time, negative statements require a lot more words to make a point. Avoid using “no” and “not” except when you strongly want to emphasize or contrast something.

 Negative: The answer does not lie with their carelessness or incompetence.

Better: The answer lies in having enough people to do the job.

Negative: We can’t incorporate all the design features without increasing the unit size.

Better: To provide all the design features, we have increased the unit size.

3. Build Bridges to Guide Your Reader

Since your goal is to whack wordiness, you may consider bridge words and phrases extraneous. Yet, the transitions from one sentence to another do keep your motor running and should be kept in high gear. Why? They create logical links that smooth the road like a well-maintained highway.

Examples of bridge words that . . .

connect two ideas of the same kind         and, plus, as well as

add another thought        besides, also, what’s more, besides, then, again,

compare or contrast ideas    but, still, however, yet, rather, likewise

 reinforce an idea             indeed, in fact, of course, by all means        

 show results                          as a result, consequently, thus, hence

 4. Place Strongest Words at End

Consider placing your most prominent words at the end of your sentence. Doing so provides emphasis and helps push your writing from one new idea to the next. E.g., “With your new ability to whack wordiness, you’ll drive smoothly toward your writing destination.” The main message hinges on “drive smoothly” rather than on the support statement “with your new ability . . .” It strengthens your intent.

This is third in a 3-part series to Whack Wordiness. Refresh your memory by reviewing Whack Wordiness, Parts 1 and 2, in this blog.

 By Barbara McNichol

 This is the second part of a 3-part series on how to Whack Wordiness. Your comments and questions are greatly appreciated.

 “Make every word work like a galley slave.” – William Zinsser

Rambling in your writing often stems from muddy thinking—that is, not having a clear idea of what you want to say. When analyzing a piece of your writing that rambles on, ask, “Exactly what was I trying to say?” Challenge yourself to state its purpose in one simple sentence. Then once you have your intended point in mind, ask:

• Did I put in unnecessary facts on the road to making my point?
• Did I add any phrases that were irrelevant to this point?
• Did I keep in mind what readers might be asking as I make my point?
• Do my sentences lack rhythm that jars like riding a bumpy road?
• Did I take a straight line to make my point or did I take unnecessary detours?

Consider using the following formula* to monitor your writing and keeping sentences from running away on you. Use no more than:

• 5 paragraphs per page
• 10 sentences per paragraph
• 15 words per sentence
• 3 syllables per word  

*Recommended in Don’t Let Your Participles Dangle in Public!

How to apply this formula

Step 1: Take one page of your writing, 300-400 words, and count the number of paragraphs. Fewer than 5?

 Step 2: In an average paragraph, count the number of sentences you have. Fewer than 10?

Step 3: Choose one paragraph and count the number of words in each sentence. What’s the average? Fewer than 15?

Step 4: Now circle all the words on the page that have 4 syllables or more.

Following these four steps, you now have lots of clues where you can stop the rambling and smooth out the potholes on the road.

by Dean Rieck (used with permission)

Do you sound smarter when you use big words?

According to a study published in Applied Cognitive Psychology , the answer is no.

In fact, complex writing makes you sound small-minded. Just consider the title of the study: Consequences of erudite vernacular utilized irrespective of necessity: problems with using long words needlessly.

Wouldn’t it be better to title this study something like The effect of using big words when you don’t need them?

To sound smart, you must stop trying to sound smart. Brilliant writing is simple writing, a relevant idea delivered clearly and directly.

Here are 11 ways you can start sounding brilliant:

 1. Have something to say.

This makes writing easier and faster. When you have nothing to say, you are forced to write sentences that sound meaningful but deliver nothing.

Read widely. Take notes. Choose your subjects wisely. Then share your information with readers.

2. Be specific.

Consider two sentences:

•  I grow lots of flowers in my back yard.

• I grow 34 varieties of flowers in my back yard, including pink coneflowers, purple asters, yellow daylilies, Shasta daisies, and climbing clematis.

Which is more interesting? Which helps you see my back yard?

 3. Choose simple words.

Write use instead of utilize, near instead of close proximity, help instead of facilitate, for instead of in the amount of, start instead of commence.

Use longer words only if your meaning is so specific no other words will do.

 4. Write short sentences.

You should keep sentences short for the same reason you keep paragraphs short: they’re easier to read and understand.

Each sentence should have one simple thought. More than that creates complexity and invites confusion.

5. Use the active voice.

In English, readers prefer the SVO sentence sequence: Subject, Verb, Object. This is the active voice.

For example:

Passive sentences bore people.

When you reverse the active sequence, you have the OVS or passive sequence: Object, Verb, Subject.

 For example:

 People are bored by passive sentences.

You can’t always use the active voice, but most writers should use it more often.

 6. Keep paragraphs short.

Look at any newspaper and notice the short paragraphs.

That’s done to make reading easier, because our brains take in information better when it’s broken into small chunks.

In academic writing, each paragraph develops one idea and often includes many sentences. But in casual, everyday writing, the style is less formal and paragraphs may be as short as a single sentence or even a single word.

See?

7. Eliminate fluff words.

Qualifying words, such as very, little, and rather, add nothing to your meaning and suck the life out of your sentences.

For example:

 It is very important to basically avoid fluff words because they are rather empty and sometimes a little distracting.

Mark Twain suggested that you should “Substitute damn every time you’re inclined to write very; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”

8. Don’t ramble.

Rambling is a big problem for many writers. Not as big as some other problems, such as affordable health insurance or the Middle East, which has been a problem for many decades because of disputes over territory. Speaking of which, the word “territory” has an interesting word origin from terra, meaning earth.

 But the point is, don’t ramble.

 9. Don’t be redundant or repeat yourself.

Also, don’t keep writing the same thing over and over and over. In other words, say something once rather than several times. Because when you repeat yourself or keep writing the same thing, your readers go to sleep.

10. Don’t over write.

This is a symptom of having too little to say or too much ego.

 Put your reader first. Put yourself in the background. Focus on the message.

 For example:

You can instantly and dramatically improve your blog writing skills and immediately explode your profits and skyrocket your online success by following the spectacular, simple, and practical tips found in this groundbreaking new free blog post.

11. Edit ruthlessly.

Shorten, delete, and rewrite anything that does not add to the meaning. It’s okay to write in a casual style, but don’t inject extra words without good reason.

To make this easier, break your writing into three steps: 1) Write the entire text. 2) Set your text aside for a few hours or days. 3) Return to your text fresh and edit.

None of us can ever be perfect writers, and no one expects us to be. However, we can all improve our style and sound smarter by following these tips and writing naturally.

 About the Author: Dean Rieck delivers brilliant writing to his clients and shares copywriting tips for smart copywriters like you at Pro Copy Tips.

I love reading Jerry’s insightful ezine, Media Minute, every Monday morning and thought his advice March 15 has something important – and somwhat contrary – to say to nonfiction writers. Leave your comments.

Don’t Let Facts Get in the Way of Good Story

By Jerry Brown, APR (used with permission)

One of the first lessons I learned many years ago as a young newspaper reporter was never to let the facts get in the way of a good story.Jerry Brown is a Denver-based PR professional who helps business communicate with the media. His website is www.pr-impact.com

It’s a lesson you should keep in mind when telling your story, too.

It’s not about playing fast and loose with the truth. Far from it. Being honest with your audience is important. It’s about knowing what to include when you tell your story – and, equally important, what to leave out.

A good story is interesting and memorable. It has a message. And it has a narrative – a beginning, middle and end designed to get your audience to pay attention long enough to hear what you have to say and understand and remember your message once they’ve heard it.

What should go into your story? You need to answer several other questions to answer that one: Why are you telling your story? What do you want to happen as a result of telling it? That’s your objective. Who’s your audience? What will they want to know? What do you want them to know? If you want them to do something, how do you motivate them to do it?

Once you know the answers to those questions, craft a message – make it short enough to remember – that will tell your audience what you want them to know or persuade them to do what you want them to do. Then build the rest of your story around that.

Humans have been telling stories to communicate with one another since prehistoric times. We all know a good story when we hear one. So, why do so many of us have trouble telling our story? The two main reasons are too much information and being too self-serving in what we say.

A good story has enough information to be credible and tell us what we want to know without being so bogged down in facts that we miss your message and forget what you said.

People often pile so many facts into their stories that they forget to tell the story. They let the facts get in the way of the story. Include enough facts to make your story credible and to give your audience they information they really need. But don’t get so bogged down in facts that your story feels like nothing more than a compilation of facts.

Leave out the self-serving sales pitch, too. Make your story interesting or, better yet, useful to the rest of us. But skip the purely self-serving stuff. You’re the only one who cares about that.

That’s Jerry’s two cents . . . what’s yours? Want to contact Jerry directly? He’s at jerry@pr-impact.com or www.pr-impact.com

by Barbara McNichol

As you revise, proofread, and finalize what you’ve written, whack all the extra words you can to sharpen your message in compelling ways.

Eliminate extraneous phrases such as:

“there is” and “there will be”
e.g., There will be many candidates who are already planning to move. Better: Many candidates may be already planning to move.

“It is all about”; “the fact of the matter is”; “the fact that”
e.g., The fact of the matter is that it’s unwise to go out carousing. Better: It’s unwise to go out carousing.

“in regards to”
e.g., There may be additional sites you should seek out in regards to your industry. Better: Seek additional sites related to your industry.

“is going to”
e.g., He is going to be a key asset. Better: He will be a key asset.

“in order to”
e.g., Add key words in order to describe the new position. Better: Add key words to describe the new position.

“is intended to, meant to, designed to”
e.g., Prescreening is intended to focus on key aspects of the position. Better: Prescreening focuses on key aspects of the position.

“the reason why is that . . .” (a simple “because” will suffice)

Take out these wobbly words whenever you can:

some “We rely on some long-standing methods.”

much “Jobs posted on the internet reach a much larger audience.”

very “Get ready to do a very good job.”
quite a few “It’s been quite a few days since we spoke.” Be specific; use a number.

that “Find information that you can apply easily.”

Note: The word that doesn’t substitute for who when referring to a human being. E.g., “. . . a person that plays the piano” should be “a person who plays the piano.”

Knock out redundancies such as:

end result
add more
tally up
future plan
absolute guarantee
alongside of
ask yourself
at the present time
spell out in detail
sum total
visible to the eye

Think of these extra words as layers of onion skin before you get to the usable part. Peel them from your writing. – Diana Booher, Booher’s Rules of Business Grammar

Replace phrases with single words where appropriate:

“a great number of” with “many”
“ahead of schedule” with “early”
“during the time that” with “while”
“give consideration to” with “consider”
“in spite of the fact that” with “although”

Change nouns to verbs:
“the examination of” becomes “examine”
“reach a decision” becomes “decide”
“the transformation of” becomes “transform”
“the reorganization of” becomes “reorganize”

Revise long-winded sentences:
Chop a long sentence into two – and make sure they both sound correct!
Combine thoughts and ideas when you can.
Question every single word – especially every adverb and adjective.
Take out the ones that don’t add to the meaning.

Route out words that are inadvertently used twice:
“Following a process for hiring, we followed his techniques.” Better: “Following a process for hiring, we adopted his techniques.”
“Hoping for warm weather, we hoped to book our vacation in the south.” Better: “Hoping for warm weather, we booked our vacation in the south.”

Let absolutes be absolute:
e.g., Ever heard someone say “his bucket is emptier (or more empty) than mine”? How can something be emptier than empty? The same holds true for all absolute words. Drop the “less” or “more” in front of these:

perfect
unique
equal
final
first
last

Get rid of tag-ons to verbs:
continue on
refer back to
grouped together
open up
cancel out
first began

Employ these tips today and you’ll see how quickly your writing improves!

##

“Barbara McNichol’s teleclass Whack Wordiness was extremely valuable and brilliantly presented. Barbara has been the editor of my book, several articles and letters. I would not send out anything important without getting Barbara’s expertise and keen eye for perfection first.” – Maureen Minnehan Jones

by Michelle Russell (used with permission)

Think it’s impossible to write with a knife?

Not at all. You might even say it’s essential.

Well, to be more precise, no one actually writes with a knife. But good writers do edit with one.

For them, writing involves two separate but closely intertwined mindsets: crafting their message and then cutting away everything that’s not their message.

Yesterday, Jon Morrow talked about why you need to tighten up your writing. Today we’re going to talk about how.

Write for yourself, edit for your readers

Really good writing always begins with the desire for self-expression. Let your mind and heart say what they want without restriction. You’re rough-hewing the shape of your thoughts.

But once the broad contours have emerged in your first draft, you take your knife and carve off all the extra bits. Sculpt your article until the important details are clear, not hidden by chunks of irrelevant or uninteresting verbiage.

It isn’t easy. As writers, we all have a tendency to fall in love with our words. So here are seven tips to help you cut to the chase.

1. Find the spine of your content and stick to it

A blog post is a focused piece of writing — it shouldn’t aim to address more than one tightly focused topic.

Yes, that story about your telecommuting co-worker and her embarrassing webcam moment is pretty darn funny. But if you can’t make it 100% relevant to the point you’re trying to make, don’t use it.

You can’t make your audience chuckle if they’ve clicked away.

2. Cut the first paragraph

This advice is often given to novelists, who are counseled to write a rough draft and then ditch their entire first chapter (ouch!).

The reason? We often need to crank out a paragraph or two before we truly get a grip on the piece and where it’s going. Those first words are really just preparation for the good stuff.

Try cutting the first paragraph or two from your post and see what happens. You may find a much more powerful opening.

3. Don’t over-spice your words

Many writers liberally pepper their sentences with adjectives and adverbs, and it ends up like over-spiced chili. They think this intensifies their writing, but really, it just numbs the reader’s palate.

(Side note: Take a look at the paragraph above this one. Did you catch where it was over-spiced? I didn’t need the word “liberally.” The verb “pepper” and the simile “like over-spiced chili” were more than enough to get the idea across.)

Remember that just like chili, a little seasoning will add yummy zing to your writing. Too much will make it unpalatable.

4. Watch out for “creep-in” words

These are the unnecessary words you use without even realizing it. Two of mine are “just” and “actually.” And yes, it’s actually true that when I read through my first draft of this post, I just went back in and removed several of each.

Getting rid of creep-ins is a painless way to cut the fat out of your copy, and no one will ever miss them.

What are your own personal creep-ins? If you don’t know, ask a professional editor to clean up one of your posts and pay attention to what they take out.

5. Cut exaggerations

Were you so angry that you “literally had smoke coming out of your ears?” Was the sunset “heart-stoppingly beautiful?”

No, not really. Your readers will see these phrases for what they truly are: lazy exaggerations. Cut them from your writing, and use more precise words (see #6) instead.

6. Find a more precise word

Sometimes, we use a lot of weak words when one or two of the right words will do much better.

If you’re publishing a review of your local taquería and you write that “their burritos are really very good,” reach a little deeper into your vocabulary. Are they authentic? Zesty? Flavorful?

Picking the right word won’t just make your writing shorter. It’ll give your readers deeper insight into what you mean.

7. Reuse the leftovers

Ever notice how the best cooks don’t seem to waste anything?

Professional writers work the same way. When they edit, they don’t delete their writing forever. They put it aside and often use it as inspiration for something else.

I’d recommend starting a “Leftovers” document where you paste in your cuts. Whenever you’re searching for an idea, you can poke through it, and something will probably grab you. Use it to start a new post.

You can do it!

I know it’s hard to cut words. We’re all afraid of running out of something to say. But in my experience, that never happens.

Trust me when I say that there will always be more words where those came from, and you will find them when you need them. Just remember to carry your knife with you.

You’ll need it.

About the Author: Michelle Russell blogs about the perils of perfectionism — with and without knives — at Practice Makes Imperfect. You can also follow her on Twitter, where the 140-character limit forces her to keep her knife sharp whether she wants to or not.