by Barbara McNichol

In my workshops and ezines, I constantly encourage writers to improve their writing by tightening their paragraphs. But what does that mean?

It means finding ways to get your point across using words that each “work like a galley slave” in the sentence or paragraph. Maximum effect using a minimum number of words. Whack wordiness!

Let me throw out a challenge–that is, tigthen the paragraph below by rewriting it. Your assignment? Convey the essence of this paragraph using a maximum of 21 words. Ready, go!  

The subsequent chapters then will focus in great detail on each of the steps to make sure you know how to accomplish each step before proceeding to the next step and how to measure whether or not you are ready to move to the next step.

Your next (even more meaningful) assignment? 

Dig out a page or two of your own writing and pick the longest paragraph you’ve written. Count the number of words in that paragraph and then rewrite it completely, reducing that number by a third, even half. Ensure you keep the meaning intact while making each word “work like a galley slave.” 

Show me the results of either assignment or both (email the before/after writings or post them in this blog) and I’ll reward you with my Word Trippers ebook. 

Give it a whack!

by Bob Kelly (used by permission)

Do you know how readable your writing is? You should. In fact, with all the tools available to you these days, there’s no excuse not to know. I assure you that your target audiences know – instinctively. Once they start reading what you’ve written, they’ll keep going – or quit – depending on how easy or hard it is you’ve made it for them.

The good news is that you, as the writer, don’t have to depend on instinct. Take anything you’ve written and you can quickly determine how readable it is by calculating the average grade level needed to understand it.

I produce a quarterly newsletter for a client, who requires that each of the dozen or so articles I write and/or edit per issue have an average grade level of 12 (high school graduate) or less.

Used to Be a Tedious Task

Calculating readability used to be a tedious task. One way was to take a sample of 100-200 words, count the number of words, then the number of sentences, then the percentage of words with three or more syllables. Take the average sentence length plus the average of the longer words, add them together and multiply the sum by a factor of 0.4. The result: the average grade level needed for comprehension.

I did that for years. But now, as we used to say in Noo Yawk, fuhgedaboudit! I simply highlight the writing sample, go to www.readability-score.com and paste in the sample and instantly see the average grade level, also known as the Fog Index.

Readability Doesn’t Equal Comprehension

A word of caution: finding that level is just the first step. Comprehension and readability are not the same thing. According to The Wall Street Journal, “People prefer to read well below their education level, and at a fog index of 13-college freshman-even a PhD’s eyes may start to glaze a bit. At 17 virtually the whole audience has fled.”

Most business magazines are written at the 9-10 level. I once read that TV Guide is at 6, and Reader’s Digest at 8. So, unless you’re writing a doctoral thesis or a legal brief, I strongly recommend you aim for a level of 10, or below. Once you start doing it, you’ll find it comes naturally. (I just checked; this article is at 7.)

If your writing is higher than 10, and you’re struggling with how to lower it, send along a sample and let’s see if I can help – with no strings attached.

Bob Kelly founded WordCrafters, Inc. in 1979, providing complete writing and editing services for authors, speakers, businesses and professional men and women, ministries and other nonprofit organizations. A former newspaper editor and publisher, he’s an award-winning author/co-author of 20 books, and has edited or ghostwritten more than a dozen others. His unique and extensive collection of quotations numbers 480 volumes and 1.7 million quotes. He’s also the author and publisher of a popular free monthly ezine: The KellyGram: Wisdom and Wit about the Wonderful and Often Wacky World of Words. His email is bob@wordcrafters.info.

By Jerry Brown, APR (used by permission)

Good editing is a blessing, bad editing a curse. Unfortunately, there are more bad editors than good ones.

Be ruthless when editing your own copy. Get out your axe and chop away. But be gentle when editing someone else’s. Put away your axe and use a scalpel.

In fact, one of the true marks of a really good editor is that s/he knows when to leave things alone. We all have our own unique way of saying things. Your job when editing someone else’s copy isn’t to turn their words into yours. Your job is to help them say what they have to say clearly and accurately.

If you’re editing someone else’s copy and find a typo or grammatical error, fix it. If you find something that isn’t clear, make it clearer. Better yet, tell the writer why it isn’t clear to you and encourage her/him to clarify what s/he has to say. If there are extra words that don’t add anything worthwhile, take them out. If you find a mistake, fix it. If you find something you suspect could be a mistake, check it out — or suggest the writer check it out.

What’s written is accurate and clear but you’d say it differently? Leave it alone. You’re not the writer. Your job is to help the writer, not replace the writer’s voice with your own.

It’s a different story when it comes to editing your own copy. Then it’s time to be ruthless.

Jerry Brown specializes in Media Training, Media Relationships, and Message Development at www.pr-impact.com. Do you agree with Jerry’s point of view? When you pay for an editor, what are your expectations–gentle or ruthless? Share your thoughts below.

Barbara McNichol

Writers take their observations of the world, draw a few conclusions, and translate them into messages on paper (or computer screens). When you write something to market your products or services, you don a writer’s hat to express your message in words. But don’t stop there. You then need to put on your editor’s glasses and focus on fine-tuning those words to make sure they communicate with your intended audience. That requires you to read your piece as if you have never seen it before and think like an editor.

A skilled editor examines every phrase and asks:

• Is it NECESSARY?
• Is it CLEAR?
• Is it CONCISE?

When you review your own writing, you likely won’t answer “yes” to all these questions. So take off your writer’s hat and look through your editor’s glasses, then make changes based on these five common writing problems.

1. Use the active voice. (WHO does WHAT to WHOM.)

Passive: It was decided that everyone would take the class.
Active: The principal decided everyone would take the class.

2. Make subjects and verbs agree. (No mixing singular and plural.)
Incorrect:  A group of writers were in town. (“Group” is singular while “were” is plural.)
Correct: A group of writers was in town. (“Group” is the subject here, not “writers.”)

3. Use parallel construction. (Give your writing rhythm.)
Weak: We’ve learned to read, write, and we’re making sure information is shared.
Stronger: We’ve learned to read, write, and share information.

4. Make the subject obvious. (Don’t let your participles dangle!)
Yucky: Driving down the highway, the new stadium came into view. (Who was driving down the highway? The stadium?)

Better: We could see the progress on the new stadium as we drove by it on the highway.

5. Use specific, vivid verbs and nouns. (Don’t overuse adverbs and adjectives.)

Dull: I saw some really pretty yellow daffodils.

Interesting: I reveled in a riot of daffodils.

When you wear your editor’s glasses, make sure every word counts. What are your favorite writing/editing tips that will enhance someone’s writing? Please share them here.

by Jerry Brown, APR (used with permission)

It’s Monday morning. Do you know where you message is? Who it’s hanging out with? Or what it’s doing?

Most of the time your message belongs at the beginning of whatever story you’re telling.

But since your lead also has to entice the rest of us into your story, sometimes your message has to wait for its turn to join the fun. In journalism school they call the place where your story crystallizes your “nut paragraph.”

In a movie, that’s the scene where it becomes clear exactly what the story is about—the problem confronting the characters in the movie. And it’s the point in a novel where the plot thickens. Or, in the words of the editors of thenutgraph.com: “It allows readers to understand why the heck they were invited to the party and why they should seriously consider attending.”

If you’re telling your story properly, your message is in your nut paragraph. It’s where you tell the rest of us the one thing you want us to hear, understand and remember. The rest of your story is the supporting cast for your nut paragraph, aka your message.

To tell your story effectively, you need to know the answers to three questions:

• What’s your objective? What do you want to happen as a result of telling your story? What’s your message doing? If it’s doing its job, it’s helping you achieve your objective.
• Who’s your audience? You want your message hanging out with these folks. That means you need to know how to reach them.
• What’s your message? This is what you’re going to say or do to get your audience to do whatever you need them to do to accomplish your objective. Where’s your message? If it’s not clearly stated in your story, it’s not where it belongs.

By Patrice Rhoades-Baum (used with permission)

Before you submit your articles to an online directory, place it on your website, or upload it to your blog—stop. Take time to slip in a few delectable keyword phrases that search engines like Google, Yahoo, and Ask gobble up.

When the content in your article matches someone’s search phrase—Bam! You’ve just reached a new reader or prospect, and possibly a new client.

How do you weave keyword phrases into your articles? Let’s say you’re a consultant who helps supervisors build effective teams. Your short article on experiential team-building exercises briefly:

• describes the concept,
• provides examples (e.g., small group builds a house of cards),
• discusses results (e.g., improves communication), and
• provides facilitation tips to ensure the activities are fun and effective.

Now put yourself in the shoes of your preferred clients—supervisors looking for team-building exercises. In their search, would they type “experiential team-building exercises”? Probably not. But they might use these search phrases: easy team-building activities, fun activities for teams, or exercises to improve team communication. It pays to take time to ensure these phrases appear in your article.

Tips to add keyword phrases to articles:

• Restructure headlines—Place the most important keywords at the beginning of the headline. Instead of “5 Fun Team-Building Exercises that Improve Communication,” adjust the headline to “Team-Building Exercises: 5 Activities that Improve Communication.”
• Look for opportunities in every sentence—For example, you could change the phrase “companies can present team-building programs” to “supervisors and managers can present team-building activities.” However, keyword possibilities are endless; don’t turn your short article into a beefy, jumbled stew.
• Put keywords in your bio and call to action—Don’t overlook your most powerful keywords; place your full name, title, company name, and website address in your bio. Plus, weave keywords into your call to action that encourages readers to visit your website for bonuses you offer.

Remember, search engines are like waiters delivering scrumptious desserts that customers order—people earnestly looking for advice. Serve up your helpful information on a silver platter!

Patrice Rhoades-Baum, Branding & Website Expert

A highly experienced marketing consultant and copywriter, Patrice Rhoades-Baum teams with small business owners and entrepreneurs to make their expertise shine with a crystal-clear brand and hardworking website. If you’re a business owner struggling to clarify your brand, Patrice will team with you to polish your brand, write copy for your website, and facilitate the creation of a new, strategic website – your most powerful marketing and sales tool. Learn more at www.BrandingAndWebsites.com.

By Patrice Rhoades-Baum (used with permission)

My husband and I often pick up eye-catching pebbles on hiking trails. Nearly all are “leaverite” (leave ’er right there). Once in a blue moon, we’ll find a crystal or stone that’s worthy of pocketing, displaying on a shelf, and looking at again and again.

Likewise, I’ve tripped over piles of writing gems over the years. I’ve “pocketed” my favorites and, like the distinctive markings of a beautiful stone, I value and appreciate these rich, enduring writing gems year after year.

Here are my two favorite gems:

1. Readers are always tuned to radio station WIIFM: “What’s In It For Me?”—Instead of talking about you, your product, or your service, tune your message to what your readers really want to know: “How will your product or service help me? How will it simplify, enrich, or improve my personal or business life?”
2. Paint a visual picture.—Craft every sentence so it’s as clear and concrete as possible. If your readers close their eyes, can they see what you’re describing? When you review your writing, delete extra words that dilute your message and muddy your picture. And use tools like Thesaurus.com and Merriam-Webster.com to add vivid, action-oriented verbs. If you’re writing about abstract or technical concepts, consider including simple illustrations. (Make sure they’re simple and clear, not cryptic and confusing.)

Remember, the touchstone of persuasive writing is effectively communicating your message to your readers. These two writing gems can help you achieve this.

A highly experienced marketing consultant and copywriter, Patrice Rhoades-Baum teams with small business owners and entrepreneurs to make their expertise shine with a crystal-clear brand and hardworking website. If you’re a business owner struggling to clarify your brand, Patrice will team with you to polish your brand, write copy for your website, and facilitate the creation of a new, strategic website – your most powerful marketing and sales tool. Learn more at www.BrandingAndWebsites.com

Bye-Bye Boring Bio

Are you a bore?
Probably not, since people who are attracted to creating tips booklets, nonfiction books, and other info products tend to be among the most interesting people on the planet. However, what your bio says about you could be leaving the impression that you are, in fact, a total (or at least partial) bore. Your bio could be misrepresenting you without it ever occurring to you.

People do want to know something about the real you.
Consider the process you’ve gone through or are about to go through to develop your products and services. With your tips booklet, you give a lot of thought to the words in your booklet, the professional presentation of those words through the graphic design of the insides and the cover, how you’re going to price it, and who your market will be. While it’s always about how the booklet will benefit the reader and/or buyer, those people do want to know something about the real you – who you are and what gives you the credibility to create the booklet.

Laundry lists be gone.
The same is true with any of your other products or your coaching, consulting, or speaking services. “Who are you, why do I care, how can you improve my life, and will I enjoy working with you in some way?” Remember the last time you heard a long laundry list introduction of every degree and award a keynote speaker ever won, every publication that ever interviewed her, every corporate and association client who ever hired him to speak.
A real yawner, wasn’t it?

Spice it up.
Yes, even in the brief introduction of a tips booklet or the “resource box” at the end of an article you can add some spice to an otherwise ho-hum backgrounder about who you are. There is something about you that shows you as a real and interesting person who happens to have certain useful expertise, a person who is anything but boring.

A few of my own tidbits
Besides personally selling well over a million copies of one tips booklet in various languages and formats without spending a penny on advertising, I made a cross-country move in 1996 from NY to a mile from the beach in San Diego without missing a beat in my business. My cat lets me live with her. I moved here because it doesn’t snow in San Diego. I love eating sushi.

Now you know a little about my business and who I am as a humanoid.

You can surpass my results with your own tips booklet, either solo or in collaboration, through the products and services at www.tipsbooklets.com and www.CollectionOfExperts.com Not sure of your first step? Call 858-481-0890 during Pacific time zone business hours and we can discuss that.

Barbara’s Note: I recently worked with Paulette on a Tips Booklet, Communicating for Profits. Great experience. Paulette makes it easy and fun. Request a PDF copy of this booklet at editor@barbaramcnichol.com

by Barbara McNichol

A year ago, a professional speaker and consultant hired me to edit articles and website copy—not an unusual request—but the events that have unfolded since form the makings of a heartfelt movie with suspense and hope, drama and victory. Risa Simon decided to convey this urgent message to humankind: that 85,000 people in the U.S. waiting for kidney transplants can be helped with kidneys from living donors. Yet who’s likely to step forward and donate a kidney to a stranger? It’s a tough sell.

For Risa, the question was how to communicate the issues surrounding kidney donation in a way that persuades people to shift attitudes and take action. Vital elements must be abundantly present in the writing, including eloquence, heart, logic, and a sense of urgency.

Last fall, she founded Kidney Kinships, created www.kidneykinships.org, and launched a public awareness campaign based on the slogan You Don’t Have To Be Dead To Donate!™.

Doing all this had an immediate boomerang effect for Risa. She wrote: “Through creating this outreach, I’ve experienced a most profound and surprising personal shift. I saw myself slowly transitioning from a life filled with anxiety and fear to a tranquil expression of gratitude.”

Yet with all this in place, Risa still had to dig deeper. She felt an urgency not only for others needing a transplant but she, herself, was losing her battle to Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD), an inherited condition. I was privileged to edit her heartbreaking stories about five people who had stepped forward in 2009 to be her living donor—only to hear from the doctors “Not a suitable donor.”

Then in April, Risa sent me two pieces to edit that blew my socks off! As her own renal function continued to decline, she “replayed the tapes” on her efforts to attract the right donor. “I discovered an omission of consciousness on my behalf. While I had been open to receiving donor offers, I had not done enough to attract the ideal outcome,” she noted. From that realization, she decided to articulate—in writing—all the threads attached to her divine donor situation in one statement of intention. “I affirmed my ideal donor would be revealed in April 2010. I clarified that, this time, this person would be approved by the Mayo selection committee, and that both donor and recipient would be in ideal health to undergo the transplant procedure. I also described just how successful our surgeries would be. I spoke of expedited donor healing, the ease of recovery, and the impact this procedure would have on a world that Lives 2 Give™.”

Risa crafted her bold, specific statement with the ultimate in clarity, love—and power.

Results came to her quickly. Within 10 days she received an offer for a donated kidney from a very special person named Melissa. Thirty days after that, Mayo approved Melissa to donate a kidney to Risa. “This transplant event took place on June 8th. The surgery involved the removal of my two native kidneys (which I’ll be donating to a dedicated research lab to help find a cure for PKD), along with my adoption of MAK (otherwise known as Melissa’s Amazing Kidney).”

So many nuances to Risa’s journey can’t possibly be told in this summary. Just know that the generosity of spirit she has brought to this effort will reverberate well out into humankind. And she has convinced me—without a doubt—that powerful, intentional writing can save lives!

P.S. Please go to http://www.kidneykinships.org/Best_Way_To_Ask.html to learn more about living organ donations and how to write an Intention Statement, explained in Step 6 under Best Way to Ask.