By Patrice Rhoades-Baum (used with permission)
A colleague asked for feedback on an article she wrote for a health organization. It was well written, the headline hummed the main theme, and, like a chorus, her theme resonated throughout. Applause!
But a hiccup prevented this article from “singing.” In fact, it had caught a “we-zing” cold because it focused on the organization, not the reader. In the first six paragraphs, the words we and ours appeared 18 times, while you and yours appeared only nine times.
I encouraged her to switch the focus from we-zing to singing. For example:
- We-zing: As a Level II trauma center, we provide specialized care, and we can handle any emergency.
- Singing: In an emergency, you can rely on the specialized care of our Level II trauma center.
Is your writing we-zing? Take this simple test to find out:
- Print an article, workbook, or other piece that you wrote for your target audience. A web page about your company is a great sample for this test.
- Circle the words we and ours in red, count them, and write down the number.
- Using another color, circle the words you and yours, count them, and write down the number.
- How’d you do? Ideally, you’ll have twice as many yous and yours as the words we and ours.
- Or is your message “we-zing”? If so, rework sentences to shift the focus to your reader.
When you focus on your audience, your message is warm, inviting, and friendly. Plus, readers see the value without puzzling out “how does this relate to me?” Best of all, your writing sings the value persuasively.
A highly experienced marketing consultant and copywriter, Patrice Rhoades-Baum teams with small business owners and entrepreneurs to make their expertise shine with a crystal-clear brand and hardworking website. If you’re a business owner struggling to clarify your brand, Patrice will team with you to polish your brand, write copy for your website, and facilitate the creation of a new, strategic website – your most powerful marketing and sales tool. Learn more at www.BrandingAndWebsites.com
